A post a month to keep the doctor away...

It's officially depressing when I'm corresponding more frequently by snail mail than actually updating my blog...blame the holidays and the need to send both greeting cards and birth announcements (which I smartly combined into a single card)....yes, baby *S* is safely here and in fact celebrating her 4 week birthday tonight!

I should do a heartfelt post about what her birth and the past month have meant to me and my husband, but as any sleep deprived new parent can tell you - the only thing that motivates me are the few minutes I get to burrow my head into a pillow and pretend that my eyes will be closed long enough to get some actual REM sleep. I promise better attempts at meaningful posts dripping with new parental wisdom in the near future.....right after I....Zzzzzzzzz

Inductions and other baby stubbornness

Why can't babies do as they ought? My baby should have grown a little more slowly, and ideally have figured out that the exit is south and ready (more or less) to accept those wishing to meet their destiny in this big, bad wonderful world.

Alas, *S* decided that she's much rather stay in comfy isolation and pack on the pounds faster than one would think is possible without direct access to Twinkies (and no, I have not been eating Twinkies...brownies, perhaps)...all of which has led to a decision to induce her tomorrow night. There's something distinctly unnatural about having to have "cervical ripening gel" inserted in you and then get jacked up on Pitocin through an IV....Not quite the labor starting experience I envisioned and I feel positive some horror movie probably started exactly this way once...

The timing is also less than ideal, as unless the hospital sweeps me out of door in 24 hours I'll probably be celebrating Thanksgiving with the hospital staff...*M* has promised to buy turkey for everyone if we are stuck there which I told him was precisely the wrong incentive structure if we actually do want to get out on Thursday. But regardless, we will have much to be thankful for...especially if I don't end up with a c-section!

Things NOT to say to pregnant women

I've been neglecting the blog...although I think being FULL TERM qualifies as a valid excuse for whatever laziness I engage in, however you can be the judge.

I realized my last post was about the sweet lady in the elevator who made my day....3 weeks later, a totally different experience. As I walked/waddled into my 37wk OB appointment I am stopped by a lady in the parking lot who said (direct quote) "OH HONEY, please tell me you're about to deliver!!!"

Yep, I'm huge (apparently)...and I'm consoling myself that my hugeness is inspiring random people to have concern for their fellow man (or at least pregnant woman).

Things to say to pregnant women

There are many ideal things you could say to a woman midway through her 3rd trimester, but the only perfect one I was actually the recipient of yesterday morning in the elevator at my OB's office, when a lovely elderly woman in conversation with me about my due date said:

"Oh you don't look hardly large enough to be due in 6 weeks"

Of course I realize it was a complete lie, but thank you anyway kind stranger, you made this huge pregnant woman's day!

48 or 49 to go (depending on your perspective)

yes, DAYS...48 or 49 more days (depending on how I count, and assuming little baby *S* makes a timely appearance) until I can celebrate the end of my pregnancy and the birth of my child (not necessarily in that order....but quite possibly in that order). Where has the time gone you ask? Well it dragged its slow ass through the past 8 months with me kicking it as hard in its pants to move it the hell along as I could. So it's hard to say where it has gone...it went where my spring, summer and now fall went: down a black pregnancy hole of months of physical misery as I learned I'm one of the unlucky few who have "morning" sickness so severely that it requires multiple medications just to stay out of the hospital and off IVs...and when it finally grew bearable enough to manage sans meds (that would take 24 weeks or so) then the joys of all the other pregnancy pains kicked in: the aching back, hips that feel like someone is drilling into my bones, lack of sleep, the list goes on and on.

All of which reconfirms my long held theory that the reason babies are so darn adorable is that no sane woman would agree to have one if they weren't. Seriously. Promulgation of the species be damned...and yet, despite all the hardships of pregnancy, still wouldn't trade it for the few ultrasound peeks I've seen of my little one.

When I need a laugh (like today)

If you aren't at least occasionally reading McSweeney's you're definitely missing out...and when I need a laugh, and today was certainly one of those days, I can invariably find one there. Today I revisited some of my favorite submissions in their Lists - all worth a click:

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/4GeoffHaggerty.html

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/1SusanSchorn.html

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/16E.Noakes.html

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/20AnnTweedy.html

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/13ArielleZibrak.html

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/2Moore.html

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/24JonMitchellEdgeandTimCaine.html

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/catnames.html

And so many, many more http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/

Rain cometh...and stayeth

The rain has been lovely after weeks of unblemished blue skies and sun here...it rushed in on Friday night, dancing in and out of the area such that some parts saw nothing and others were flooded, generally causing confusion but, hey, we need the rain so we won't complain even if its behavior was at best capricious. Saturday was lazy rain...constant but little energy behind it...I think it's termed a good "soaking" rain. Sunday was more of the same, although it was a bit more sporadic. Now on Monday we're back to Saturday-style rain...light but ever present.

My cat, *N*, is unamused - as if the rain is both my fault and part of a larger conspiracy to deny him sunshine. So I've been the recipient of more than one sideways evil glare today...

Cloudy with a Chance of Movies...

I'll confess I'm unreasonably excited to see the movie version of a truly charming book: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs by Judi Barrett and Ron Barrett. I remember the book more for my younger sister's enthusiasm for it, and later reading it to my little brother, than as part of my own favorite childhood book collection. Nonetheless, it's a lovely book and hopefully the movie will do it justice. And now I hear we can also expect a movie of Fantastic Mr. Fox by Roald Dahl later this fall!

Which made me ponder what other of my most cherished childhood books would I love to see made in a movie version....my short list so far:

* SuperFudge by Judy Blume (and so many of her other books as well...)
* The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster and Jules Feiffer (ok, i know they technically have made a movie of this one, but i'm looking for a good remake to redeem it...)
* The Twenty-One Balloons by William Pene du Bois

And wouldn't any of Shel Silverstein's poetry books make fabulous movie shorts?

For today...

I listen to the wind
To the wind of my soul

lyrics from the incomparable Cat Stevens (now Yusuf) written before my birth...listening to it now while feeling my baby kicking, and find it unusally fitting for today.

The trees are gone...long live the trees

Tragic happenings here - trees are vanishing at an alarming rate this week. All courtesy of some major construction that is being prepped on our quiet little road. Apparently the construction requires the (possibly permanent) removal of more than a dozen truly lovely trees, which are being forcibly relocated, in a tree-version of the Trail of Tears, to parts unknown.

My husband has been following their removal with fascination, as it requires a tremendously large piece of equipment to actually dig these mature trees out of the ground in a way in which (i hope) they can be transplanted to some other very lucky neighborhood. It saddens me though - I've enjoyed seeing them every day as I leave and come home...and they flower periodically, adding just a little more beauty into our world. He tells me not to worry, they'll probably bring them back when the construction is over (whenever that may be) but I do not believe him...I think they are gone and our street is now left only with the scars of their departure, proof that they once existed here.

Is there something wrong with my belly?

Obviously yes - it's huge...of course that's because there's a baby in it. Understandable then that it might seem odd to me, given the circumstances, but that doesn't prevent me from periodically obsessing about my belly. What's perplexing me is its recent expansion directly out - its developed almost a peak, and I joked last night to my husband that if this trend continues I'll shortly have a triangle rather than a belly.

For now I'll chalk it up to another of the many mysteries of pregnancy. You can buy books, scan websites, join online pregnancy forums (i'm guilty of all) but there's just tons of things that no one really understands the why and cause of. Like morning sickness and BH contractions.

Meanwhile I stare at my belly, trying to grasp how an actual person exists inside it, and wonder how much odder it will look as we wind our way through these last 3 months. And how very much odder it will be when it's empty again and our child floats freely in our arms rather than in our dreams.

Danger: It's Fantasy Football Time!!

Lock the doors and close the shutters, it's officially FANTASY FOOTBALL season!! Danger approaches, even if you don't see the storm clouds marshaling on your horizon. "Danger?" you say, naively thinking that my participation in such a pastime could not possibly affect you...or could it??

Well, in fairness, it can't if you care absolutely nothing for the NFL. If you're one of the world's non-football fans, blissfully reveling in your football ignorance while celebrating the emptiness of stores on Sundays, then read no further this warning does not apply to you.

However, if you have any love of or loyalty to your team, then beware! While I have enjoyed great success participating in various fantasy football leagues for many years now (*fondly rubs her virtual 1st place trophy for 2007 season*) my wins have not come without their cost: I am the Grim Reaper of FF. That's right - if I draft you there's a much better than even chance that you will NOT complete the season....in fact, usually you won't even make it one more game before some god-awful, season (sometimes, career) ending injury will occur to you. My track record in this area is uncanny...disturbing...and has caused me to cease drafting players from any team I like (and correspondingly, I now draft specifically from teams competing with my favs...Washington Redskins fans, you've been forewarned!).

I could provide lists of the key players I've selected and the immediate major injuries sustained, but instead I'll provide single example from last season: I drafted Tom Brady in first round....and the rest is history, including his season ending injury.

So fear my upcoming draft....tremble in the face of my all powerful ability to devastate your city's team...and be aware that for slight monetary compensation I may be willing to exclude your favorite player from my scythe as I swing it this weekend, let me know.

We've officially hit a new low as Americans...

A headline to make you think, courtesy of NBCDFW.com: Fried Butter & Other Things That May Kill You at the State Fair (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32648756)

Now seriously people, I know Texas is known for pushing the culinary envelope every year in finding new (previously un-fried) items to dip in boiling oil....but BUTTER?? I'll grant it's probably delicious - or at least one would hope it is, if you're risking an instant heart attack by consuming it - but it's efforts like this that make us the fat laughingstock of the rest of the world. Could we at least attempt to keep the fried food offerings to things that technically qualify as food, and not condiments?

That which vanishes, reappears

I'd say I'm a bad blogger for disappearing for more than a month, but let's be honest - I'm barely blogging, much less pretending to the more glorified title of blogger.

And since I owe no explanations to anyone (ah the joys of a virtually unknown blog) I'll just say that the past 6 weeks have been filled with fun (Paul McCartney concert!), illness (complete with ER visit in middle of the night), shopping for baby (with much money spent, and much more left to spend) and the inexplicable joy coupled with frustration of being pregnant...if you haven't been kicked REALLY hard in your bladder then you really can't understand, but you'll have to trust me that it leaves you with mixed emotions.

I'd be willing to swear that pregnancy completely saps your creativity at a molecular level, but that would just be another excuse...I can't promise I won't vanish again, but I hope not to....

Tell me something I don't already know...

News flash: Cats Do Control Humans, Study Finds:
http://www.livescience.com/animals/090713-cats-cry.html

Our cat, who we'll call *N* to protect his identity, brings control of his humans to a whole new level. Yes, he's studied geometry to figure out precisely which vertical blind he needs to move to shine morning light directly into our eyes, and adjusts as necessary to accommodate changes in the path of the sun throughout the year. Don't even get me started on how he gets us to serve him water with ice cubes in a glass (short) so he can drink as we do...

hrmm and here i thought i'd never have a blog

Just by posting this I suspect I've lost some bet with my husband because I'm positive I've previously sworn I would never have a blog...chalk it up to peer pressure or something even more insidious - SHAME! I think it's bugged me that my parents have a blog...when you begin to be less technically savvy (even if it's through rational conscious choice) than your parents it's time to either confront or hide from it...so here I am...a blogger, if admittedly a poor excuse for one.

I take comfort in the knowledge that it's hard to imagine anyone will stumble upon this...much less actually dedicate time to read it.